Little was said between them on their way back to headquarters. Spade watched Ashe out of the corner of his eye with a mixture of admiration and self-pity. He could not kill Dral. X wouldn't know that–Crow certainly wouldn't– but Spade knew. It ate at him, a constant reminder of his failures and weakness.
It doesn't matter. I'm going to be a member of X and get the tattoo for my first kill, no matter what, he told himself. His position was secure now that Ashe promised to lie for him, but Spade still felt Dral's hands on his neck, the oxygen cut from his throat.
He'd almost died. Again. Spade couldn't risk the others finding out what Ashe had done for him, and he knew the jobs would only get harder from here. Spade needed to train. He needed to get stronger, and fast.
But tonight, he would rest. Dark circles lined his eyes, and the adrenaline high of Dral's death came down to a heavy weight of exhaustion. Dral was dead, and Spade felt no better for it.
Ashe took him through the front entrance of X: a densely guarded fish grocer with tunnels stretching beneath the walk-in freezers out back. A skinny black kitten mewled and pawed at Spade's legs as he stepped toward the cooler, and he tossed one of the cut fish from the freezer behind him, pitying the poor creature more than himself.
Tattooed wrist forward, Ashe navigated the tunnels with ease, dragging Spade behind her like a prized pup. He hated the suspicious glares tossed his way, but knew their attitude wouldn't last. Once he had an X tattoo of his own to mark his first kill, Spade would traverse the halls with pride, and revel in his sense of belonging–as ill-earned as it was.
Spade's steps faltered as they reached headquarters and Charien slipped beside Ashe like an eel, his hands cupping her face with the adoration of a collector admiring his prized jewel.
"Alice," he sighed, brushing his lips across her cheek. "Where have you been? What took you so long? I almost came to get you myself. I was worried sick."
Ashe tensed, then grew limp in his arms. Spade recognized the dead look in her eyes, the hollowness of her acceptance. He'd seen the same limp posture from prey when trapped in the jaws of a predator. Their line of thinking was the same; if they stayed still long enough, perhaps they'd be left alone.
Disgust tightened in Spade's stomach, but he could think of nothing to say as Charien whispered praises and loving affirmations against her sealed lips. Aroth, Spade was scared, too. The rumors of Charien's mercilessness weren't built on nothing.
I’ll kill him.
"Was she good?" Spade blinked, and it took him a moment to realize that Charien was speaking to him. He held Ashe's waist possessively, as if his touch could remove the countless others that had been there before.
Spade smirked, trying to combat his unease with his favorite arsenal: dry, salacious humor. "In that dress? You bet. Dral didn't stand a chance."
Charien shook his head, his smile stiff. "I know she's good in that way. Few can resist her charms." Ashe grimaced as he stroked a finger under her chin. "Regardless, you've answered my question. She did, indeed, use those charms, didn't she?"
His grip on her waist tightened like a vice. Ashe bit her lip as his fingers dug hard into her skin.
"It was part of the job. She distracted him, I choked him," Spade said, hoping the rationale would ease Charien's anger.
It did not. Charien's genial facade slipped, revealing the cold monster underneath. He grasped Ashe's shoulders and brought his lips to her ear in a hiss, "What have I told you about this?"
Ashe stared back at him with a stony expression. "Isn't this what you trained me for? What else am I supposed to do?"
"Assassination is a versatile art. You are not to use your charms frivolously," Charien scolded. "It is your greatest asset, so use it sparingly."
"Or not at all," Ashe muttered, pulling away with crossed arms. Charien rolled his shoulders back, towering over her. Tension simmered between them, and Spade wondered if he should intervene.
"She didn't do much," he said. "She only took her top off."
"Oh? Is that all?" Charien scoffed.
"Yeah, it's not like she–"
"Shut up, Spade," Ashe snapped. Spade did as told, unused to the venom in her voice being directed at him. She rubbed her face, seeming to realize her mistake. "I'm sorry. I'm tired; it's been a long night. Can I just go to sleep?"
After what he heard tonight, Spade didn't think Charien had any intention of letting her out of his sight. To his surprise, the assassin cocked his head, and an artificial smile spread across his lips.
"Of course. I imagine you must be exhausted," he said, each word almost mocking. "I have some business to attend to in my office, but I can expect to see you in our room when I'm finished?"
"You know you will." The fight left Ashe at once. Spade could see that the strength she had begun the night with had depleted as soon as Charien appeared. Whatever reprieve he was willing to offer, she was glad to take it.
Ashe left quickly before Charien could change his mind. Spade was tempted to go with her, but with Charien's watchful eye on him, he didn't dare. Instead, Spade left in the opposite direction–toward Norma's lab–and made a few loops through the tunnels before he came back to Charien and Ashe's room. He knocked on the door, quietly hoping that Charien had indeed gone back to his office.
Ashe opened the door, and Spade caught a brief glimpse of fear in her eyes before she realized it was him. She lingered within the thin gap of the doorway, glancing over his shoulder. Spade didn't ask about the frilly blue nightgown that reached down to her knees. If it was one of Charien's requests, he didn't want to know.
"Charien will kill you if he catches you here," Ashe whispered, but she seemed hesitant to kick him out.
"I didn't get to say goodnight," Spade said. A small smile pulled at her lips.
"Goodnight." Ashe pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek. Spade waited for more, but nothing came. Disappointed, Spade stepped forward, but Ashe pressed a hand to his chest before his lips met hers. "What are you doing?"
"You let me kiss you earlier," Spade whispered, confused. Ashe nearly laughed, and embarrassment heated his cheeks.
"You're still thinking about that?" she asked. Spade hated the pitiful look in her eyes as she slipped back behind the door's threshold. "It was nice, but you should forget about it. You and I… It's not a good idea. For a lot of reasons."
Spade could only think of one. "I'm not afraid of him."
Ashe winced, her gaze drifting past him down the hall. "I've heard that before. Too many times."
"I mean it."
"I know you do."
Spade pressed his arm against the door before she could close it. He wasn't ready for their night to end. He wasn't ready for them to end. His first actual kiss, and already he was tasting her rejection. Spade didn't know what it was to yearn until he'd met the strange girl with even stranger eyes.
Ashe watched him wearily, the full extent of her exhaustion on display. Smeared mascara emphasized the dark circles under her eyes. She held herself with all the might of a sinking ship. She would be punished for her assistance in Spade's plan however Charien saw fit.
Spade lowered his head, abashed. He had no right to ask more of her. Not tonight. She had already saved him from death twice over. That was more than enough.
"Goodnight, Spade," Ashe repeated. He did not try to put up a fight this time. "I don't think you know what you're asking for, but maybe I'll let you kiss me again. One day."
The door clicked shut, leaving Spade in the wash of fluorescent light overhead. He lingered, still picturing her body in place of the door. Her lips against his.
Then, he returned to his bunk.
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