Chapter Eleven

She was going to kill him. 

Ashe had told herself this countless times over the years.The mantra rang true as she paced the cramped confines of the abandoned utility closet. 

Charien wouldn't look for her here–not for some while, anyway. She rarely visited this part of X; the collapsing tunnels made it an unsavory spot to travel for any assassin.  A perfect place to collect her thoughts.

Ashe instinctively reached for the beaten leather case strapped to her hip and thumbed the little throwing knives inside. They were her first weapons, a gift from Jason for her eleventh birthday.

You need something to defend yourself with around here, he'd said. He never used them, but he offered to teach her how. She'd only been at X for a few months at that point, but that had been enough to learn how little life was valued.

The blades glinted under the single dangling lightbulb. Charien was a master at taking when Ashe thought there was nothing left to give. But Ashe was ruthless, cunning, and desperate. Every moment Charien stole from her was another addition to his debt, and Ashe was eager to cash in.

"Damn it!" She dug one of her knives into the metal door, leaving a haggard scar. She needed to think, but fury clouded her thoughts. Every time she closed her eyes, Ashe watched Charien tear her room apart, invading what little privacy she had left.

Hot tears burned at the back of her throat. All of her things would be moved to his room by now. The things he didn't approve of would be tossed, left to rot away with the rest of X's refuse. 

She'd managed to save a handful of clothes. Two shirts and a sequined mini skirt sat on one of the shelves beside her, the last remnants of her wardrobe. Charien would replace them, as always, with stuffy, frilly things that made Ashe want to scream. 

It was not the first time he'd tossed out her clothes. Ashe took great care in hiding her favorite pieces from him, but she knew they'd be in the dumpster after today. She would need to start over from scratch.

Something had to be done. She couldn't live like this anymore. But every plan that crossed her mind had been done before, another failure to add to the list. 

The closet door creaked. Ashe's stomach clenched. She clutched the throwing knife in her hand, ready for a fight. 

"Get out." Her voice cracked, and Ashe hated herself for it. The man–no, a boy–ignored her, and opened the door fully. Spade panted, out of breath, and sweat stuck his shirt in awkward folds to his chest. His red eyes reflected in the dim light, the concern too familiar to another boy she had lost.

He wasn't Jason, but he was close enough.

Ashe dropped the knife. Before Spade could speak, she threw her arms around his neck and sobbed. All of her pent-up hatred and fire poured out. Ashe thought she was past the tears, but this flurry of sadness proved her wrong. 

Spade froze, rigid and unsure. Then, slowly, as if she would be spooked off, his arms wound around her waist.

"It's not fair," she raged against his shoulder. She didn't know if she was angrier at Charien or herself for letting her guard down. "It's not fucking fair! He takes everything from me. Everything! I have to be around him all the time now. He's never going to leave me the fuck alone."

"Why don't you run away?" Spade asked, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

"Don't you think I've tried that?" Venom coated her words. "He finds me. He always finds me, and it's worse every time I try." She pulled back and scrubbed her tear-stained eyes with the back of her hand. "He expects me to sleep in his room tonight, but Aroth knows I won't be able to sleep. Fuck, I may never be able sleep again."

Spade gently wiped the tears from under her eyes before they could spill again.

"It's not much, but you can always sneak out. Maybe Sav will let you bunk with her?" Even his light suggestion carried the heavy weight of doubt. Ashe would be lucky if Sav looked at her without disgust, much less shared a room with her again.

She took a deep, shaky breath and stepped back. There was a brief flicker of disappointment on Spade's face, but it was gone just as fast.

"He's punishing me for bringing you here," she said flatly. The tears had finally stopped, leaving her puffy-eyed and devoid of emotion. 

Spade hesitated. "Why did you?"

"Bring you here?" The question came faintly, more to herself than to him. Ashe wondered the same thing. It always came down to a few reasons, but the real answer lingered in the back of her mind. Ashe knew what boys like him wanted to hear, and it wasn't the truth. She would have to sugarcoat her answer.

The smile felt foreign on her face as she lightly pressed her hand to his cheek. "I thought you needed a chance, and I… I can't help but take chances."

Spade's lips parted, taken in by her sweet words. Then he frowned, and Ashe didn't know what to do with that.

"But you knew Charien wouldn't like it," he said quietly.

Ashe stiffened. Her petulance came with consequences, and like a hurricane, everything she touched was destroyed in her path. She knew from the moment that she saw Spade in the bar–and felt the urge to draw him near–that Charien would be furious. She pulled him in despite all warnings that she shouldn’t, uncaring if he should drown. 

Pure selfishness. Jason used to joke that she was a brat, but he wasn’t far from the truth.

"Spade, I'm sorry," she said, her voice hitching. He was pulling away, and Ashe couldn't stand to lose another person. "But I hate being alone. I never asked for this. I never wanted Charien to do this to me. He’s smothering me."

The words had their intended effect. Guilt crossed Spade's face, and his trepidation waned. He pulled her into his arms. "I know. I'm sorry. I don't hold it against you."

Ashe cracked a smile. "You're holding something against me."

Spade coughed, red creeping up his neck, but his hold on her tightened. Ashe laughed.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I really am. But you're just so easy to tease."

"What are you going to do if I start taking you seriously?" She could hear a brush of hope in his voice. 

"You're going to make me wait for it?" Ashe didn't know what possessed her to say it, but she could feel Spade weighing her words as he stared down at her.  He was desperate, and that made her all the more tempted to tease him.

Charien will kill him. The somber thought brought her back to reality. Ashe pulled back with a strained smile. "Like I said: easy."

Spade hesitated. She could see the yearning on his face plain as day, and Ashe wondered if she'd gone too far. Then, he sighed, and the moment had passed.

"You want to help me with a job?" he asked. The sudden change in topic took her by surprise, but Ashe was eager to welcome any conversation that wasn't punctuated by Charien's presence.

"What kind of job?"

"I got a contract to kill Dral," he said. Ashe's brows rose. For his first kill, Spade must've had the shittest luck in the world. Maybe she didn't need to worry about Charien offing him–Dral was more than capable of doing that job.

Ashe casually leaned against one of the shelves, but she had an idea of where this was going. “So, what do I have to do with it?”

Spade hesitated. Then, almost remorsefully, he said, "I want to use you as bait."

Ashe's nails dug into the shelf. She should have expected this, and yet, a part of her had hoped. Idiot.

"Let me explain." Spade must have seen that he was losing her interest, because he quickly jumped into Silas's suggestion. She would be bait while Spade went in for the kill. Ashe wanted to be surprised, but being used as eye candy wasn't new to her. Rarely did anyone in X remember she could kill better than half the contractors that passed through the tunnels. Or maybe they just didn't trust her with a knife.

"What do you think?" he asked when he'd finished detailing the plan.

What did she think? Ashe wanted to tell him to fuck off like the rest of them. She was capable of more than laying on her back. Aroth, she could kill Dral in half the time on her own.

But Ashe knew how important this contract was for Spade. If he didn't succeed, Crow would put a hit on him next, and then she'd really be alone. Spade needed to kill Dral, and he couldn't do it without her.

"Well?" Spade pushed when Ashe didn't answer right away. She could see that his nerves were catching up to him, his confidence ebbing away.

Ashe pushed herself from the shelf, and smirked. "Sure, let's kill a guy. It's not like I have anything better to do."